“WHAT LEADS to strife (discord and feuds) and how do conflicts (quarrels and fightings) originate among you? Do they not arise from your sensual desires that are ever warring in your bodily members? You are jealous and covet [what others have] and your desires go unfulfilled; [so] you become murderers. [To hate is to murder as far as your hearts are concerned.] You burn with envy and anger and are not able to obtain [the gratification, the contentment, and the happiness that you seek], so you fight and war. You do not have, because you do not ask. [I John 3:15.] [Or] you do ask [God for them] and yet fail to receive, because you ask with wrong purpose and evil, selfish motives. Your intention is [when you get what you desire] to spend it in sensual pleasures.”
James 4:1-3 AMP
There are days that I remind myself of how my Daddy dealt with life. He was not perfect, but only a few times in life did I really see something bother him.
He had attacks, some even greater than all of ours combined. However, he knew how to handle them when they would rear their ugly head. He would deal with it in the natural and then quickly deal with his heart.
Also, he understood boundaries. And he watched his mouth. He used to say, "Oh, just let them roll off of you like a water on a duck."
Recently, one of my daughters saw a girl from her class that she has known for several years. She ran up to her and gave her a big hug and jumped up and down and said "so good to see you!" The girl had a sour look on her face and stood there like a light pole. Then proceeded to smile with a half-fake grin. It broke my heart!!!
My daughter turned around and said to me how cold she was to her. I saw it and I told her to never change who she is and guard her heart.
Easier said than done, especially when you are a preteen. I hated to tell her the truth!
The truth is ..... It will happen again and again all throughout the rest of life. It's a bummer that people can be so rude and selfish. It's crazy that people don't really understand that a simple hug, a simple sweet word back in response, or even a real smile makes a person feel valuable.
You don't really have to enjoy that person to be kind, but either way your heart does shine through.
People know when they are not liked. People know when they ARE liked. Simple as that.
So, what do we do when it happens again.... And again ... And again. Well, here is what we are doing:
#1 Quickly search our own hearts. Ask the questions to yourself. Did I do something wrong? If Holy Spirit says yes, then repent and ask for forgiveness. If not, still ask Holy Spirit to help guide your heart.
#2 Don't dwell on the facts of how that person hurt you. Seriously, what they did should roll off your back and out of your mind. Honestly, their hang-ups should not become yours.
#3 Don't change your ways of being kind and loving. If you are loving anyone, still be you. In other words, if you are a person who LOVES to hug, then hug. If you are a "jump up and down" kind of person when you see a person you know.... DO IT! Why should you not do that just because the other person is embarrassed by it?? Be you!!!!
#4 Recognize that sometimes you do have to set up boundaries. You can still be around people that are rude to you, but your time may be cut short to protect your heart. It's okay. It's not being unloving or unkind to have boundaries, as long as you still walk in love, have no ill-feelings in your heart, and you have rolled all your past cares on HIM. Having boundaries just means that you are choosing to be kind and loving when surrounded with an unkind person, but you are choosing to fill your day with those that lift you up, encourage you to be a better person, and don't have jealously issues. Let's say you are in class with that person and you have to do a project with them. Be you, be kind, be loving with your words and then when the class is over, run like the wind to hang with your true friends. Don't stand around there and get beat up again and again. Fill your day with those who treasure you.
#5 Ask God for treasure friends. Actually, mine are called "Grand Friends". God will give you friends that will call you, text you, visit you, love you with out any issues of status. Real friends, who want nothing more than to spend time with you, and when they do the fruit of your relationship proves it. In other words, they know you and treasure your gifts. They are not always trying to "one up" on you. The are real gifts from God.
#6 Learn from these situations on how to be a real friend. Someday you will get married and have children of your own. Relationships will get more complicated. Your goal in life is to be the best daughter, best wife, best mom, best daughter-in-law, and best friend. If you can do that well, everyone will know. Mark my words, when you do this job well there will be those that don't and they will be jealous. You will have to repeat the process of searching your heart again. Practice now, baby girl. If you do YOU will be just fine down the road. Not only will your true relationships love you back, you will be planting good seeds in return for your life.
#7 Don't forget to make it a priority to think of others. Sometimes it is a sacrifice, but it is worth it in the end. Sometimes you have to lay down your feelings, your thoughts, your ways to just love someone. It is one of the hardest things for a women to do. Actually, there are seasons of it being easy. Like when you fall in love with your future husband, or your brand newborn baby. Then there are times when it is harder to love. Like the unloveable, snotty teenager that is all about looking perfect. Ask Holy Spirit to help you in the difficult times. He will help you be YOU, and still love at the same time.
The book of James has many nuggets to help us along these lines.
I changed the "brethren" to sister. :)
“Understand [this], my beloved sister. Let every girl be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. For woman's anger does not promote the righteousness God [wishes and requires].”
James 1:19-20 AMP
Want some books to help you learn how to be a GODLY friend?
Check out the books that dannahgresh.com has written. You WON'T be sorry!!
GO be a SWEET Friend TODAY!!
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